It Begins At Home Part 5By Pastor Boffey on Sunday, August 21, 2005.
C. The day to day order of the household rests very much on the shoulders of the woman.
1. Men, it is our responsibility to support our wive's efforts to keep an ordered home, not frustrate them by our own bad habits.
2. Men, do not complicate your wives' efforts at keeping an ordered home by allowing excessive "stuff" to overwhelm the place.
3. Men, do not impose unreasonable expectations of perfection and cleanliness upon your wives, particularly if you are not willing to lend a hand with household chores.
4. A proverb to live by: Let your house be clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy.
An unkept house is one where valuables tend to get lost. Luk.15:8.
On the other hand, a fastidiously clean house may be a home of a devil. Mat.12:44.
"Be not righteous over much.....why shouldest thou destroy thyself" (Ecc.7:16)?
Be cautious to not be so caught up in the quest for perfect order in the home that you cannot have contentment in sub-perfection.
5. Men, be mindful that guiding the house (1 Ti.5:14) embraces much more than cleaning and cooking, especially when children enter the picture
6. Women, be mindful not to get wrapped up in false responsibilities, burdens or even opportunities which rob you of the time and energy you need to attend to the things God expects of you.
XII. Learning to get along with one another in the home sets the stage for getting along with others in the church and in the world in general.
How parents get along with each other sets the tone for children in the home doing likewise.
A married couple's relationship will teach either fidelity or futility to children.
If Dad and Mom can be faithful to God and each other in how they relate, the prospect of positive interaction with others is seen as an attainable goal by children.
If Dad and Mom just can't seem to get along and home life is one of dark clouds and acrimony, positive interaction with others may seem unattainable to children.
Following is a reminder of how to make marriage work.
XIII. Marriage is bondage (the good kind).
Scripture teaches that charity is "the bond of perfectness" (Col.3:14).
A healthy marriage will develop in direct proportion to the partners' practice of charity's characteristics. Hatred divides; love binds.
Consider your marriage relationship in light of 1 Co.13:4-8.
Charity "suffereth long."
1. Man, what was/is your reaction to the following? a. She couldn't/can't cook as well as Mother.
After 5 years of marriage, she still sometimes signs her maiden name.
She regularly reminds you of "the way Daddy used to do it."
Intimately, she is a crock-pot; you are a microwave oven.
She hasn't figured out how to read your mind yet, thus necessitating much wasted time in explaining things.
She disagrees with you.
She is mystified by those clever gauges on the instrument panel of the car.
2. Woman, what was/is your reaction to the following?
He frequently reminds you of how well Mom used to cook.
He hasn't made a big success out of himself yet, occupationally.
He isn't providing the same standard of living that you were used to.
He seems to be ignorant of what makes you happy or turns you on.
His leadership isn't flawless.
He doesn't see things your way, even though you may have a point.
He can't seem to get the hang of the toilet seat/lid, towel rack, clothes closet or laundry hamper.
3. We are to love as Christ loved us. Joh.15:12.
God is longsuffering towards us. 2 Pe.3:9; 1 Ti.1:16.
If God were as impatient with us as spouses often are to one another, where would we be?
4. Longsuffering is kin to forbearance. Rom.2:4; Eph.4:2.
Sometimes we may simply have to put up with or overlook a spouse's mistakes. Pro.19:11; 17:9.
Any relationship is doomed to failure without forbearance.
Charity "is kind."
Man, do you:
take her for granted?
treat her like a soldier in boot camp preferring to dictate orders to her, or would you consider a more subtle, gentle approach? Phm.8-9.
snap at her in a manner that you wouldn't do to a friend or business acquaintance?
think she is little more than a maid? a cheap chef? a janitor?
take out your workday frustrations on her?
belittle her in front of others?
make disparaging comments about her looks or sensuality?
look and hope for her mistakes, so you can use them against her? Consider Luk.11:54.
advertise her faults when she does err? See Mat.1:19.
only bring up her bad points when criticizing? See Rev.2:1-7.
Woman, do you:
snipe at him for overruling your wishes?
henpeck or nag consistently?
gossip about his faults? Rom.1:30 ct/w Pro.31:26.
withhold affection or intimacy as a punishment or to get your way? See 1 Co.7:3-5.
make yourself more attractive to other men then you do for him?
Kindness embraces tenderheartedness and due consideration of the other's interests. Eph.4:32; Rom.12:10.
Charity "envieth not."
Man, do you envy:
your wife's family for their achievements or stability?
your single friends for their unfettered freedom?
other men whose wives are more vivacious? level-headed? adept at household duties?
Woman, do you envy:
other women whose husbands are more gallant? successful? virile?
other women with careers while you are stuck with children?
other women who have children? Gen.30:1.
Anger and wrath can be destructive, but at least they are generally external emotions which can be dealt with. Envy is much more sinister, rotting within. Pro.27:4.
Charity "vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up."
This is the "me first" self-will complex.
Sometimes in marriages this is manifested by a partner always rushing to claim the moral high ground on an issue, as if they are immune to mistakes.
This is basically pride, which God despises and only leads to grave disappointments. Pro.11:2; 16:18.
Charity "doth not behave itself unseemly."
Unseemly: "Unbecoming, unfitting, indecent."
This would censure men for:
effeminacy. 1 Co.6:9.
slovenly dress or grooming.
coarse vulgarity, especially in public. Eph.5:4; Col.4:6.
ogling other women. Job 31:1.
This would censure women for:
immodest dress in public. 1 Ti.2:9.
flirting with other men. Gen.20:16.
cropping her hair too short. 1 Co.11:6, 15.
Charity "seeketh not her own."
This is what true love is all about: preferring the welfare of others.
Christ's sacrificial love is our example. 1 Jo.3:16.
Charity "is not easily provoked."
Jam.1:19; Pro.15:1; 25:15 speak against "knee-jerk" reactions to a spouse's provocations.
Spouses need to be tolerant of each other's faults as much as possible. Forbearance does go a long way to promote peace in the home and this is a goal worthy of our pursuit. Rom.12:18; 14:19.
Avoid forcing mistakes and provocations into strifes. Pro.30:33; 17:14.
Don't "strain at a gnat." Mat.23:24.
Charity "thinketh no evil."
Avoid colored speculations about your spouse in the absence of valid proof. 1 Ti.6:4.
Crush daydream fantasies about others in their infancy and avoid seed-beds for the same. 2 Ti.2:22; Rom.13:14.
Charity "rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth."
These words emphasize the importance of spouses being sold out to the doctrine of Christ.
Remember that married saints are "heirs TOGETHER of the grace of life" (1 Pe.3:7). There are few things in this world as precious as a spouse who shares your faith and is your partner in Christian witness. Acts 18:26.
Charity "beareth all things." This includes bearing each other's burdens. Gal.6:2.
Charity "believeth all things." It believes that God's word which reveals the love of Christ should govern conduct in marriage.
Charity "hopeth all things." It hopes that patient application of Biblical principles will result in an improved marriage.
Charity "endureth all things." This means that the marriage should not become full of strife or fall apart because:
it isn't the utopian existence that was expected.
financial troubles set in.
tragedy or sickness take their toll.
Charity "never faileth." You can never go wrong by charity.
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