It Begins At Home Part 3

Men of faith command their household. Gen.18:19.

1. Command: "To order, enjoin, bid with authority or influence."

2. Household: "The inmates of a house collectively; an organized family, including

   servants or attendants, dwelling in a house; a domestic establishment."

3. A wife is part of "an organized family" and is therefore subject to the commands

   of her husband.

4. This is reinforced by the fact that the husband is the head of the wife (Eph.5:23)

   and a head is "a person to whom others are subordinate; a chief, captain,

   COMMANDER, ruler, leader, principal person, head man."

5. The one to whom a household rule is given is under a solemn responsibility to do

   his job wisely, selflessly, and to not be cowed into not doing what he is supposed to do. 1 Ti.3:15 c/w 1 Ti.4:12; Tit.2:15.

Some may object, "This sounds like you're advocating that husbands are to control their wives," or "You're just a control-freak."

1. Nevertheless, what saith the Scripture?

2. Wives are to submit to their husbands (Eph.5:22), i.e., "To place oneself under the CONTROL of a person in authority or power; to become subject, surrender oneself or yield to a person, or his rule, etc."

3. Husbands are to rule over their wives (Gen.3:16; Eph.5:23), i.e., "To CONTROL, guide, direct, exercise sway or influence over (a person, his actions, life, etc.)."

4. Control: "To check or verify, and hence to regulate....To exercise restraint or direction upon the free action of; to hold sway over, exercise power or authority over: to dominate, command."

   1. Men, think not, "She is my slave, my puppet, my push-button automaton to satisfy my every whim."

   2. Men, think, "She is my beloved wife, my flesh whom I nourish and cherish. Therefore my rule/control will be reasonable, benevolent and with due consideration of her needs. I will be firm where household order or vital principle is at stake. I will establish guidelines and boundaries within which she may freely operate and exercise considerable power. I will not relinquish my headship, but neither will I be a heartless tyrant. I will remember my Savior's love for me; His tender, compassionate rule over me, and make this my pattern.”

   3. Women, do not perversely interpret your husbands' attempts at the latter as being the former.

   4. Husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. Eph.5:28-29.

      1. He who loves his body must check and regulate (control) its desires for its own good. 1 Co.9:27.

      2. He who loves his wife thus will, for her good, have to sometimes do likewise.

      3. It is not an act of nourishing, cherishing love to give into every desire of either one's body or one's wife.

5. The definitions of the terms of the husband's headship show clearly his responsibility to command his wife as well as his children. He is a commander.

   1. A wise commander will not "overdrive the flock" (Gen.33:13), i.e., be so demanding and burdensome as to make it impossible for his wife to submit. i. Overtaxing breeds futility and rebellion. 1 Ki.12:14-16.

   2. It is not overdriving or overtaxing to expect of a wife what God Himself expects of a wife. 1 Ti.5:14; Tit.2:4-5; Pro.31:11-12. 

   3. Husbands, be advised: superabundance of stuff and fluff which require so much time and energy to care for can overburden your wife, family and yourself.

   4. "Better is an handful with quietness, than both the hands full with travail and vexation of spirit" (Ecc.4:6).

6. A wise commander will not demand his way at all times but will consider the counsel and needs of those under him. 1 Sa.25:32-33; 1 Ch.13:1-4.

IX. 1 Pe.3:1-6 sets forth the Biblical model for a faithful woman's relationship to her husband.

1. Her submission is not conditioned upon her husband's faith or obedience. v.1 c/w 1 Pe.2:18.

2. She is to submit to him "with fear" (v.2), fearing God whom she would offend by rebellion or usurpation.

3. Her godly submission may have more influence in his life than Scripture.

4. She is to have a chaste conversation (manner of living).

   1. Chaste: "Pure from unlawful sexual intercourse, continent, virtuous (of persons, their lives, conduct, etc.)."

   2. Continent: "Self-restraining, or marked by self-restraint, esp. in relation to bodily passions, appetites or indulgences; temperate."

5. Attitude counts!

   1. She is not like the harlot, loud and stubborn. Pro.7:11.

   2. She is not a brawler with whom there is no living. Pro.21:9.

   3. She is not a contentious member of NAG (National Association of Gals). Pro.21:19.

   4. She has a meek and quiet spirit.

6. Attitude counts!

   1. If her heart is right, in her heart she deems her husband to be her lord. v.6 c/w Gen.18:12.

   2. She will reverence her husband. Eph.5:33.

      1. Reverence: "Deep or due respect felt or shown towards a person on account of his or her position or relationship; deference."

      2. She will reverence her husband whether he is a professor or a poor farmer, a gold mine or a coal miner, a white collar professional or a dirty colored iron worker.

      3. That kind of reverence pleases God and works wonders to move her husband to give "honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel..." (v.7 c/w Pro.12:4).

7. Attitude counts! Wives, what does submissiveness mean in your heart?

   1. Does it mean that you will submit only when he does or decides what you wanted?

   2. Does it mean that you will grudgingly submit when he does or decides contrary to your wishes?

   3. Does it mean that you will feign submissiveness but pursue your own agenda anyway?

   4. Does it mean that you will hide from him something that you don't want to have him make a decision on, lest your agenda gets trumped?

   5. It should mean that you will submit willingly to his headship, his policies and his decisions in good conscience and trust God to honor your submission.

   6. This does not mean that a wife can never disagree with her husband's decision but such disagreement should not become an occasion for resentment or underhanded revenge tactics or a bad example for a daughter. Pro.14:1.

8. A wife's fearful submission does not imply that she is forbidden to think for herself, take a stand for a righteous principle or abandon instincts of self-preservation.1

   1. She is to be "not afraid with any amazement" (v.6), which is "the condition of being mentally paralyzed, mental stupefaction, frenzy."

   2. Sarah, the model of a godly wife, based upon God's word, resisted Abraham when he was wrong and God upheld her in the matter. Gen.17:15-21 c/w 21:9-12.

   3. Abigail wisely worked contrary to her husband's wishes to the saving of her life, his life and their household. 1 Sa.25:4-35.

   4. A sensible, intelligent, godly wife is a complement, not an impediment to her husband's successful headship and goals. Acts 18:26.

   5. A sensible husband will not feel threatened by such; he will cultivate her graces and wisdom for the betterment of all.

9. A wife who will not submit to her husband's headship disqualifies an otherwise qualified man from church offices. 1 Ti.3:11.