Guidance For Young Ladies

Guidance For Young Ladies I. This message is for the encouragement and direction of young ladies, particularly believers. A. Some of this information will have relevance to young men also, particularly believers. B. This should also benefit parents in guiding their maturing children to good decisions. II. As the minister of Jesus Christ, I am mindful of the fact that He ministered to young and old, male and female. MAT 19:13-14; JOH 10:5. A. I regard the “...elder women as mothers, the younger as sisters, with all purity” (1TI 5:2). B. John gave particular attention to the elect ladies and their children. 2JO 1:1, 13. C. Paul commonly noted godly women of his experience, including one whom he regarded as a mother. ROM 16:1-3, 6, 13. D. Paul instructs ministers to tell the aged women of the church to pro-actively instruct the younger women by good example and orders. TIT 2:3-5. 1. Women have a weighty responsibility here since there is something to the proverbial expression: “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.” 2. Women usually have much more “one-on-one” time with children. 3. Women are more appropriately the counselors of young ladies in personal health matters. 4. About the last thing we need is a bunch of silly women under the delusions of lusts setting examples and teaching younger women. 2TI 3:5 c/w MAR 6:22-25. E. A godly young lady was instrumental in the salvation of Naaman (2KI 5:1-4) and it may be observed that godly women of principle can have considerable good influence upon men. 1PE 3:1-6. F. “From all that I had read of history of government, of human life, and manners, I [have] drawn this conclusion, that the manners of women [are] the most infallible barometer, to ascertain the degree of morality and virtue in a nation. All that I have since read and all the observation I have made in different nations, have confirmed me in this opinion. The manners of women, are the surest criterion by which to determine whether a republican government is practicable, in a nation or not. The Jews, the Greeks, the Romans, the Swiss, the Dutch, all lost their public spirit, their Republican principles and habits, and their Republican forms of government when they lost the modesty and domestic virtues of their women... The foundations of national morality must be laid in private families. In vain are schools, academies and universities instituted if loose principles and licentious habits are impressed upon children in their earliest years. The mothers are the earliest and most important instructors of youth.” (John Adams, second President of the United States) III. Young ladies may have careers in mind but do not trivialize the careers of wife and mother. A. I do not discount the value of young ladies learning a skill or trade but I can say without reservation from the testimonies of Scripture, nature and observation that marriage remains as foundational to human fulfillment as God designed it at the beginning. GEN 2:24. B. Paul’s private judgment of a preferred state of single celibacy to maximize unencumbered service to Christ is not a hard rule in conflict with the blessing of marriage. 1CO 7. 1. It is true that one can find contentment in celibacy and God respects that. But I caution against premature assumptions that because someone hasn’t yet found a mate that he/she is destined for celibate life. Praying, patience, learning, and maybe even a little bit of Naomi-Ruth pro-action (RUTH 3:1-5) are usually better than assuming inevitable celibacy. 2. Celibacy is a gift to some, not all (1CO 7:7). Beware of false gifts. PRO 25:14. Guidance For Young Ladies 6-2-24 Page 1 IV. It is normal, healthy and expected that young ladies should look forward to marriage. A. Marriage is the only venue for sexual connection and if the passion for such cannot be contained, even Paul says, “...let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn” (1CO 7:8-9). c/w 1TI 5:14. B. Parents do well to make sure their developing young ones know that self-stimulation for sexual release is permissible. 1. I have preached whole messages on this topic and can point anyone to the messages and outlines about this. 2. Young men may approach me for counsel on this. But I will not counsel the girls on this matter without a parent or trusted adult present and would rather defer this to a trusted mature woman of faith who is not ashamed of godly sexuality. 3. I implore parents to not leave this matter unattended: young people need godly instruction and guidance in this important area of life. C. Marriage is much more than a license for intercourse: it is the foundation of all human government, the stability of society, and the modeling of Christ’s love for His church. EPH 5:25. V. Young ladies need to preserve their faith and their chastity. Swerving from the former is too often the cause for the loss of the latter. Departing from the faith opens doors to seducing spirits, seductive teachers and the allures of lust. 1TI 4:1; 2TI 4:3; 2PE 2:18. A. chaste: Pure from unlawful sexual intercourse; continent, virtuous. (Of persons, their lives, conduct, etc.). B. Again, mature godly women have a major role in promoting this to younger women. TIT 2:3-5. C. Fornication (voluntary unmarried sexual intercourse) is a thing to be fled (1CO 6:18), not fed. ROM 13:14. 1. Be careful of what info you consume since feeding a monster only makes it stronger. 2. Be careful of private interactions where no other eyes or ears other than God’s are present. Ask yourself always, “Would I be doing this if Jesus was here with me?” D. Do not cheapen yourself by immodest clothing which reduces the respect men would have for you. You can save yourself and men from fornication dangers. 1TI 2:9. VI. What should you look for in a man? Who may you marry? A. This is an issue of determining what is lawful, permissible and expedient. B. Understand what 1CO 7:39 is and is not teaching. 1. A free woman (not bound by a marriage covenant) has liberty to determine if she will marry, and whom she will marry, “...only in the Lord.” 2. Marriage demands the “one man, one woman” model as the Lord gave. MAT 19:3-9. 3. A marriage “in the Lord” can only be to a single, unmarried man. 4. A marriage “in the Lord” does not forbid marrying someone who is not of the same faith but it certainly does forbid abandoning the faith. 5. As I have taught from Scripture in the past, the O.T. prohibition on “mixed marriages” to people outside of Israel was specifically intended for the devoted nations of Canaan who were to be eradicated, and their entails which remained. Esther’s marriage to a Medo-Persian king was not sinful. C. What is lawful and permissible is only part of the issue. 1CO 6:12. Guidance For Young Ladies 6-2-24 Page 2  1. expedient: Conducive to advantage in general, or to a definite purpose; fit, proper, or suitable to the circumstances of the case. 2. Marriage to someone who is not of like precious faith (2PE 1:1) can work but it requires a mutual understanding between husband and wife of the preservation of the believer’s non-negotiable matters of faith and her respect of her man. a. If marriage in general produces trouble in the flesh (1CO 7:28), extra-faith marriages where belligerence to devoutly held belief is the rule are especially guaranteed trouble. b. Children’s training in the ways of God can also be problematic and only reasonable people can work things out, as did “Mr. and Mrs. Eunice.” 2TI 1:5 c/w ACT 16:1. 3. I urge extreme caution concerning marriage to someone raised in the lingering superstitions and errors of non-Christian cultures. Women in such cultures are not held in the same regard as in Christian cultures (and we are hastening towards a post-Christian civilization ourselves). 4. I must also these days caution against marriage to someone with obvious non- heterosexual tendencies or sexual identity problems (or a number of other such disorders). D. Good character is more important than good looks, wealth or charm. 1. Look for traits like honesty, integrity, selflessness, diligence, sobriety, self-control, patience, maturity. You may not capture the full package but at least steer clear of fools. 2. Pay attention to the way that the guy treats others, especially women. Does he treat a waitress with respect? If not, don’t expect him to be any different to you. “When people show you what they are, believe them.” (Maya Angelou) 3. Sadly, even someone of like precious faith may be lacking in critical character areas. Commitment to a marriage vow combined with prayer and patience can be powerful agents of improvement but some Israelites are just Nabals. 1SAM 25:25. E. Seek your godly parents’ guidance. I do not maintain that parents should rule rigorously over maturing young people’s wills but neither should the parents’ wisdom and experience be scorned or not even given consideration. Guidance For Young Ladies 6-2-24 Page 3